Is This It

I’m reluctant to use the word ‘progress’ but there are signs afoot that we might finally be getting somewhere. 5 league games unbeaten isn’t exactly a milestone to be celebrated but putting all cynicism aside, it’s the first time it’s occurred since February 2024. When the team loses its innate ability to suffer a collective meltdown once a game I might truly start believing things are changing. Until that occurs and for the moment at least, it’s a step in the right direction

I’m becoming more and more convinced that a number of our problems are self-made. In a season where we’re only playing once a week, I’m not sure why Amorim persists with this habit of making defensive changes at around the 70 minute mark. If these were purely down to injuries like the recent Spurs game then fair enough – but half the time these occur for no discernible reason. Despite the recent improvement, the team remains very fragile and it doesn’t take much for things to quickly unravel. I’d be far more confident if the manager decided on his preferred back 3 and stuck with them wherever possible.

The single biggest change that’s affected our fortunes over the last month has to be the emergence of Senne Lammens. He deserves immense credit for stepping into the starting keeper’s berth with zero fuss and looks totally unfazed by his new surroundings. Bigger names than him have shrivelled in the spotlight when given the opportunity, so it’s very encouraging he’s made such an assured start to his United career. Given the fact he’s already proved he can handle Anfield on a Sunday afternoon, I’m fairly confident we might have fixed one of our biggest problems.

When I wrote last time I was genuinely concerned for Amorim’s future and doubted if he’d even reach November. The Chelsea and Liverpool results together with the current mini unbeaten run have probably bought him more time as well as regaining the support of a sizeable number of fans who were previously wavering. There weren’t many left in my circle with anything positive to say about him after the defeat at Brentford – a terrible performance that followed a similarly listless display at the Etihad where City barely had to get out of 2nd gear.

The Liverpool game was a huge result for both the team and the manager. It was a long time since we’d won there and they’ve given us a few maulings in recent years. They certainly don’t look the force they’ve been in recent seasons now the hangover from Klopp’s departure has finally kicked in 12 months later than anticipated. Nevertheless, we looked competitive and there was clear evidence of a plan in place. Cunha was absolutely terrific holding the ball up during the 2nd half – what a difference having a player like that as an outlet as opposed to the likes of Rashford or Garnacho.

The challenge now is to prove that this current run of form isn’t just a blip and to keep it going. Looking at the upcoming fixtures, this could be doable. Villa away and Newcastle at home over Christmas are the only moderately tough games we have until we face City mid-January. The rest look very winnable on paper, though these are precisely the type of routine games in which we’ve struggled over recent years. If we can string a few more wins together then a top 5 finish and European qualification should become an achievable goal – something that looked a distant prospect when the season began so poorly.

Whereas fortunes on the pitch might be improving, everything else about the club continues to disappoint. It’s now 12 months since the announcement of the stadium no sane person actually wants and the project’s progress is predictably slow. The latest survey was an absolute belter, containing the most rudimentarily stupid set of questions about ticket prices and seat locations. Q7. ‘Would you be interested in buying a ST costing £3000 situated in row 700?’ Errr… no. Q8. ‘Would you be interested in buying a ST costing £3000 situated next to the dugout?’ Again… no. Q9. ‘Would you be interested in buying a ST costing £500, 20 rows up behind the goal?’ Obviously… yes.

I’m not sure how they intend to extrapolate any meaningful data from this nonsense other than ‘the idiot proles desire sensibly-priced tickets close to the pitch’. It’s a completely pointless exercise in the guise of ‘fan engagement’ that’ll be used to justify a steep increase in ST prices when the move eventually does occur. It’s blindingly obvious now what happen – any tickets within a few feet of the pitch will cost an absolute fortune and if want a ST for less than a grand, brace yourself for several flights of stairs (possibly escalator rides provided they’re still within budget).

The 5 year timeline that Ratcliffe mentioned previously continues to look incredibly optimistic. Andy Burnham appeared on a podcast recently saying that the train line running adjacent to the ground will need to be moved and could end up “nearer Lou Macari’s chippy”. Completing an infrastructure project of that scale within the next 4 years would be some feat, never mind building a new stadium from scratch. Even if they managed to purchase the land required tomorrow I reckon you’re looking at another decade at least before we’re even close to leaving OT.

The ticket office remain fixated on doing their utmost to make life as difficult as possible for supporters. Anecdotally at least, success rates for away tickets have reached an all-time low – yet there’s no way of actually proving this following their decision to stop publishing details of application numbers and % splits across the different pots. Plenty I know in the standard pot have had nothing all season despite applying for every game – yet entirely coincidentally, instances of groups of a dozen tourists appearing in away ends appear to be on the rise.

Even if you are fortunate enough to receive a ticket, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to see the game. At Spurs recently, some tickets were being scanned red which meant the holder had to visit the TO and verify their identity with ID. There were other reports of people being stopped at the turnstile and made to close and re-open the app to check that they were the original recipient and holder. You might read this and think ‘what’s the problem?’, but it all amounts to a gross abuse of privilege and the club wildly overstepping the mark in terms of what’s actually legal.

As I’ve said previously, the claim that these measures are in place to combat touting is highly dubious as tickets for away games continue to be traded online for eye-watering sums. I’m more inclined to suggest it’s part of a campaign to target regular fans and dish out sanctions if any minor transgression of their ‘rules and regulations’ can be proven. A word of advice, if anyone purporting to be a club employee approaches you at the turnstile of an away ground and demands to see your phone, wander off and return 5 minutes later when their attention is elsewhere. Either that or just tell them to sling it.

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Beaten To The Punch

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After a frantic last few days, the transfer window slammed shut and I think it’s fair to say it was mission accomplished barring the signing of a new midfielder. The bomb squad were successfully jettisoned, we’ve got a brand new front 3 and perhaps most crucially, the club eventually decided to bring in a new goalkeeper. It’s too early to tell if we’re in a significantly better position now but even if the new signings ultimately flop, at least the corrosive influence of certain personalities around the squad has been removed.

What’s abundantly clear, given he’s played every card he was handed this summer, is that Amorim loves a gamble. Despite Onana being a complete disaster for 2 years he was still the most experienced keeper at the club. Replacing him with a 23 year old Belgian kid represents a huge risk. Likewise, the decision to give up on Hojlund and swap him out with a relatively unproven like-for-like replacement in Sesko. I mean, I wish the pair of them all the luck in the world but it wouldn’t be a major shock if this all backfired spectacularly.

As I stressed last month, they simply had to sign a goalkeeper. Results will never improve if you’ve got a keeper guaranteed to make a mistake every single game. The season has started demonstrating precisely that with both Bayindir and Onana making the same routine gaffes that have become almost inevitable over the last 12 months. Although he’s an enormous dickhead, I would have been tempted to go for Martinez ahead of Lammens, personally. We need someone who can step in immediately and can ill-afford a period of adjustment or settling in.

It’s pretty much the same story with Sesko and I’m left scratching my head why they’ve gone down this route again. Just like Hojlund, there’s clearly huge potential there but it’s going to take time for it to be realised. Assuming he doesn’t hit the ground running, how long before he too is on his way to Italy on loan and the striker search begins again? Honestly, I’d have been tempted to give Hojlund another season and invest the cash in a midfielder instead. I’ve just got a really bad feeling about this one, we’ve been burned by the Bundesliga too many times.

I do feel sorry for Rasmus as he clearly loved playing for United and he’s still only a young lad. If he’d been signed as a 3rd/4th choice option and integrated into the team slowly we might have been reaping the benefits by now. Instead he arrived with a ridiculous price tag and was expected to thrive in a dysfunctional team against a backdrop of a club in turmoil. The odds were against him from the start and after a reasonable goal return in his 1st year, his confidence drained away completely as everything unravelled last season.

The fact he was a Ten Hag signing probably didn’t help his cause when he was pushing to stay and fight for his place. I hope he thrives in Naples and then depending on how Sesko fares, it might be worth giving him another shot after his loan period comes to an end. Then again, I might be talking complete bollocks and he is in fact the carthorse he resembled during those last few months. I’ve really got no idea anymore. What is certain is that we’ve become very adept at not realising the potential of virtually any new player arriving at the club.

Amorim signalled his intention to persist with Bayindir during the pre-Derby presser and you just know that isn’t going to end well. He’s a known target now due to his lack of physicality on corners, as witnessed in both the Arsenal and Fulham games already this season. Not only does he not manage to lay a glove on the ball, he seems to spend an inordinate amount of time scrambling round on the floor. Expect Lammens to be starting as soon as he demonstrates even the slightest bit of competency on the training ground.

I recognise that we had a budget this summer and there was a list of priorities in place, but the lack of midfield options will likely cost us dear in the coming months. It’s hard to win football matches if you can’t consistently control them. Amorim doesn’t seem to fancy Mainoo or trust Ugarte which leaves Casemiro as his most likely starter in the middle, meaning we’re likely to continue getting overrun more often than not. Given the lack of funds available to bring in extra legs, the decision to let Toby Collyer go out on loan looks puzzling as we’ve even fewer options there than last season. Mason Mount, naturally, is injured again.

Fears we’d be short of glamorous destinations due to missing out on Europe were allayed when the League Cup draw pitted us against Grimsby Town. I’m not even joking either. As domestic cup draws go, this one was about as good as you can possibly hope for. Seaside town in late August, somewhere we’ve never been before and only a couple of hours away? Absolutely sensational stuff that almost felt like recompense for those 500 consecutive home draws we suffered through a couple of years back.

Cleethorpes turned out to be quite nice as well. Not a run-down shithole at all, although it did feel a bit like stepping into a time machine and going back 50 years. A sizeable number of the locals proved to be archetypal tracksuit-clad, Free Tommy inbreds but I suppose you encounter that pretty much everywhere now. The only downside apart from the inevitable calamitous cup exit was the how difficult it was finding a drink after the game, with virtually every pub there closing its doors at 11pm. You don’t get that in San Sebastián.

Defeat on the East coast made Burnley the first of what’s likely to be numerous must-win games this season. It wasn’t pretty and despite doing our best to chuck it away, we got there eventually affording Amorim some breathing space ahead of the subsequent international break. With City, Chelsea and Liverpool incoming over the next few weeks he desperately needs something to click with this team. Failing that, the current goalkeeping conundrum might soon become someone else’s problem.

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Going Nowhere

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There used to be a time when the public’s attention turned to test cricket, tennis and crown green bowls over the summer but I’m not sure football has had a day off since May. With the U-21s, the World Club Cup and the womens’ Euros it’s literally not stopped and there’s no getting away from it. I want to spend 3 months every year not thinking about football, not being subjected to even more of it every time I turn the telly on.

As ever, I’m doing my best to stay away from the annual festival of bullshit that is the summer transfer window, but it’s difficult to stop scrolling once you get started. It all started quite brightly with the news that Matheus Cunha was boxed off day one but once Mbeumo’s name was mentioned things took a familiar turn. At the time of writing it’s been reported that a third offer has finally broken the deadlock but even so, this ongoing saga is proving more difficult to conclude than deals for Marcelo Salas, Wesley Sneider and Frenkie de Jong combined.

The main issue with United’s newly improved negotiating tactics is that our track record whenever in this position speaks for itself. We always cave in the end as other clubs are all too aware. The money in the PL means that the likes of Brentford can turn their nose up at £60M offers because they’re in no rush and under no pressure to sell. Why would they when the likelihood is we’ll pay the full asking price eventually.

If the club really wanted to demonstrate a change in approach they would have told them to sling it a month ago and quietly informed the player that they would try again in 12 months’ time. £65 million is a more than acceptable offer for a player of his calibre so if Brentford don’t want to sell then forget it and move on. Dragging things on over several weeks in the vain hope they’ll suddenly cave seems to be a hopelessly misguided way of conducting business.

The fact we’re nowhere nearer addressing the fact we still need a centre-forward concerns me more. We appear to have done the entire budget on a couple of players in a position where we already have ample cover as opposed to fixing the obvious deficiencies in the squad. I suppose the plan is to tackle these once we eventually manage to offload a few high profile names set to depart the club this summer.

It came as no surprise that Aston Villa decided against taking up their option on Marcus Rashford because they aren’t daft and they’ve seen first-hand what his actual level is these days. Barcelona seems to be his preferred destination and incredibly, rather than being wishful thinking on his part it looks like it’s actually going to happen. Teddy Sheringham was bang on the other week when he claimed the player didn’t deserve such a move because he simply doesn’t.

I know it sounds peak boomer but I’ll genuinely be seething if he ends up at Barca. I’ll always wish ex-players well when they’ve put in a proper shift here but I’m afraid Rashford abandoned all pretence of that some time ago. Unfortunately he’s now part of a small but very select group (Di Maria and Pogba the others who spring to mind) who can just do one. That clown walking out in front of 90K at the Nou Camp will have me triggered, big-style. If he does pull this off then his PR team deserves every penny they’ve fleeced off him in recent years. He should be playing for Luton Town or Huddersfield this season.

Another guaranteed inductee into the ‘former players who can fuck off’ group is Jadon Sancho. I recall a blue acquaintance regaling me with rumours of his questionable attitude when he was at Dortmund but I dismissed this as unsubstantiated bitter ramblings. Somehow the little slug looks set to move to Juventus and trouser a £4M payoff from United in the process. Honestly, Woodward and Arnold should be in the dock for the remuneration packages they offered players between 2018-2022. Class action suit for industrial-scale criminal negligence, anyone?

In addition to this pair we still have to shift Antony and Garnacho and again, suitors willing to pay a transfer fee (remember them?) seem thin on the ground. I expect Anthony will return to Betis for another loan spell whereas Garnacho will end up at Chelsea once they manage to offload a couple surplus to requirements. I don’t quite understand what the situation is at Chelsea as they sign new players on 10 year contracts every week yet still seem to function as a whole quite coherently. Their ability to account for this without contravening PSR needs to be studied or do the rules not apply in West London or something?

The question is, will these expected departures generate the requisite funds to finance a world-class striker? It doesn’t look too promising given the remaining budget. Some of the names linked so far range from laughable to terrifying (Jamie Vardy, Moise Kean, Calvert-Lewin) and don’t suggest much of an upgrade from our current options. Indeed, Amorim has already tempered expectations by suggesting we can get by with a reduced squad this season due to the lack of European football.

Unless the club can do something dramatic in the next few weeks (hiring Chelsea’s accountant might be a start) and bring in some additional reinforcements it promises to be a difficult few months ahead. There’s still some time, but pre-season is already underway and we’ve not fixed the main issues that made the last campaign such an ordeal. I can understand the inability to recruit a guaranteed goalscorer as it’s incredibly expensive and fraught with difficulty but not signing a new keeper at this stage would be bafflingly stupid.

Noises coming out of the club suggest a top 5 finish is the target for forthcoming season. It’s an ambitious target as looking at the fixture list, it’ll only take 2-3 defeats in that opening run of games before the manager’s future is being called into question again. Amorim’s default mode of plain speaking and refusing to dress things up is admirable but won’t help him much if we’re in the bottom half of the table in October. As you may have already surmised, I’m not feeling too confident about his prospects at this stage. I really hope I’m wrong.

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